Monday, 30 July 2007

For those like me who have slaved over a manual 'gestetner', getting black from head to toe in inky goo, just to print copies of a parish newsletter


BULLETIN BLOOPERS


1) Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.


2) Thursday night—Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.


3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.


4) For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.


6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.


7) Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.


8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.


9) Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.


10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.


11) The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.


12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.


13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.


14) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.


15) Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.


16) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.


17) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.


18) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


19) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.


20) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.


21) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.


22) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


23) The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6:00 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.


24) The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours

2 comments:

Joee Blogs said...

Just looking at your profile, my best mates an INFJ on the personality test thing - we were bored one day and did the personality tests each.

He sounds like you actually!

On the side of the angels said...

Warning, going to be cruel here.

Are you twisting my melon?
Ok, you asked for it...
hold onto your hat

I was always against psychometrics as psycho-babble [my seminary was contaminated with enneagramitis - being branded a 2 every one of my actions was scrutinised according to that ridiculous remit; so I grew to loathe it]

Later at Stirling University [in my vainglorious fourth attempt at completing my degree with clinical psychology points -another loooong story!] I did the intense Myers-Briggs and was the first 'real INFJ' [i.e. extreme] the lecturer said he'd encountered amongst students [that was after scrupulous IQ and 'empathy' tests to ascertain my instantaneous memory, intelligence and psychological analysing results - which were really high [yet my short term memory is abysmal and median-memory even worse!!] on the level that is usually only found among people who live with a blind relative i.e visualisation, imagination and descriptive functions]

According to the two lecturers I possess a really high empathy quotient merely because of my visual and cognitive skills. It's a bit scary because I know things without being aware how I know them - according to the experts I see the phenomena [non-verbal signals,voice intonation etc] put them all together subconsciously formulate a cohesive causal structure and seem to have the 'almost-miraculous' inductive leaps. I'm the one who knew who Kaiser Sose was within seconds of the film starting, I was the eight year old watching 'witness for the prosecution' who turned round to his mum and said ' but of course he killed the old lady!' I was the thirteen year old who knew that the neighbour wasn't late home because he was stuck in the office.

My wife says she used to hate the way I knew what she was thinking or what she was going to say before even she knew what she was going to say - but now she plays upon it - expecting me to know what she wants at the drop of a hat. My kids have also given up trying to lie to me and have resorted to bending the truth.

It's dangerous because it makes me very presumptuous and prone to classifying people by a vast array of stereotypes, allusions, similarities and congruencies I've previously encountered - sometimes within seconds - and because I invariably get the superficial mundane things spot on [e.g. he's lying, they despise that person , or are secretly holding a torch for someone , he's gay, she's being beaten up by her husband, he's cheating on his wife, he doesn't believe in God any more, one of her relatives has just died, she's worried sick about something even though she's cracking a joke, he's lying etc] when I try and put the structures into a whole person it jeopardises wisdom and discernment in understanding them as a unique being created in the divine image, and how surprisingly different their soul is to any other. Knowing parts of the individual so blatantly obfuscates the whole individual that I have to go out of my way to ensure that the person is not just what is thrust in front of me.
Incidentally if you've ever watched things on big brother etc where they have 'body language' experts - experience, plus a whole year studying non-verbal communication, made me realise that nine times out of ten the onlooker gets the signals very wrong - only through interaction can you get them right.

I'm an argumentative loudmouth but paradoxically a very good listener;[my formative years were spent under a large family kitchen table where I was out of sight but heard everything I wasn't supposed to hear]
Being a good shoulder to cry on makes me a terrible friend or relative - not many people want someone around them all the time who you want to open your heart to, someone who really knows them - you don't have a spiritual director or confessor for a best friend or room-mate - especially if they are as flaky, useless and unreliable as someone like me [I must be the worst timekeeper in the universe!] this has led me into becoming someone who has been 'sought out' but subsequently someone to keep an amiable distance from.

You'd think that this would make me very capable in counselling or social services or a caring career ?
Well you'd be wrong - it's not a question of my being incapable ; it's my personal scruples - I won't play people, or use them to an end - even if it's for their own benefit - I deliberately go out of my way to make sure that I don't use any tricks or [to me demeaning] techniques to make people open up.

Some people have sometimes even considered me cold and inconsiderate because I won't ask them personal questions ; the regular backlash is 'you just don't seem interested do you ?'
My wife says I have 'care' written through me like a stick of rock - which makes me one of the most frustrating individuals to live with - yes like margaret meldrew, she wants to put my head through a television set at least a dozen times a day.
I'm a pretty pathetic partner for my wife, a terribly negligent parent in that I spend my life talking with the kids or telling them stories while their dinner burns or I've forgotten to get their daytrip forms signed _ I'm the most impractical person I know - which makes virtually everyone want to shake me - it's ironic because I am a really hard methodical worker - I ran a department in a factory really well, building a great team; but the fates have decreed that stacking shelves in ASDA is my destiny while I type in ridiculous blogs to people I don't know when I should be finishing my novel off to make a little extra money to the pittance that compels me to hide from the bailiffs every couple of months....

That's just a simple response
I could go on for weeks without stopping on this subject...

Now, think about this one carefully, do I really sound like your friend?