Monday, 7 April 2008

Ok I know...

I said I can't do memes as I don't know enough bloggers to tag them....
But I got an e-mail asking me to participate.

7 Non-Important things/habits/quirks about yourself:

a] I hate food - I seldom eat a cooked meal and live on caffeine and the odd cheese sandwich with a few vitamin pills to compensate. Practically starving in seminary and subsequently cooking for Nicky and the kids over the years has given me an aversion to food and a total loss of appetite.

b] I'm a perfect specimen/guinea pig for the psychologists : Technically a genius with an IQ of 186 and a rare Myers-Briggs INFJ 'counsellor' class ; according to them I should be a renowned empathic academic. I'm most definitely not - I stack shelves !!! To the clinical psychologist I'm a fascinating enigma and they've spent dozens of hours assessing me - this usually results in their concluding I'm a frustrating quandary/anomaly - my last analyst retorted that I was better at his job than he was and that he [jokingly] wasn't sure whether he wanted to marry me or strangle me ! I was voted both at Uni and work as the 'person you'd most want to be trapped in a lift with'. I was also voted 'rear of the year' but I won't go into that...but I'm the kind of person you're not afraid to tell your darkest secrets to - strangers on trains regularly feel they can start a conversation with me. I once had a whole lower deck of strangers on a London bus debating the pro's and con's of polygamy , as I disembarked I got a standing ovation ; and my fellow students were astounded as a bus of all ages sexes and races went off into the distance waving at us - it really was surreal beyond imagining - half socratic dialogue:half ealing comedy.

c] I was a crook ! When Rowan was born Jamie was barely one , Nicky was ill, so we had to move near Nicky's parents . As penniless students I had to sneak onto the 5.02 a.m. London train from Southend and swap trains about 4/5 times [to ones that never checked tickets past a specific station ] to get to Uni. When I got to Uni I had no money for anything so how was I to survive ? I already worked evenings but that barely paid for two sets of nappies and baby milk/food - Nicky was ill with post-natal depression - we were screwed - I would have gone on the game if I could have afforded the red lightbulb [ Joke!] - so my London flatmates and I devised a scam - a pub quiz scam ! We pretended to be a registered 'yuppy' company which sold printed pre-prepared random questions for pub quizzes - we would send free 'sample questions' to the local pubs and clubs with the literature saying 'if you like our free samples - why not buy our inexpensive set quiz packs ?'
Of course they'd never buy quizzes - but they would certainly use the free questions - they did - and who'd be there as a pubquiz team ? who knew all the answers ? and who would win the £50 prize money ? We'll either burn in hell or spend a few millennia in purgatory for it ; but I cannot believe we got away with it . We weren't like international jewel thieves or gangsters - but it did mean we weren't filling our pockets with sausages and bacon from the university cafeteria breakfast to eat in the evening , or picking the mould off the bread to make toast or living off cornflakes with water instead of milk for a few months...

d] I have a few more holes in my body than most people - a triangle sawn out of my jaw, a bolt hole through my shin, hole in my knee where my lower leg was sewn back on , two scarred puncture wounds in my hand - no I do not look like frankenstein's monster - I'm just accident-prone.

e] I was asked to be a labour intern with the future 'promise' of a safe labour parliamentary seat.
One too many overhead projector presentations in Transport House on the 'clintonization of british politics and the formation of New Labour' ; together with the death of John Smith and the idiotic election of that [expletive deleted] Blair ; had me running for the hills.

f] I have got to be one of the worst time-keeper's on the planet - I'm either late for everything or arrive hours [on occasion days] early for things ; My memory is utterly ridiculous -say a string of twenty numbers and I'll remember them , ask me to immediately repeat even a short sentence verbatim and I'll completely recompose it ; I can remember the 'gist' of conversations from thirty years ago , but ask me to repeat a sentence from five minutes ago and I'll have restructured it into a completely differently worded encounter - I'll remember the exact reasoning and logic in it down to the minutest subtle nuance - but the words used ? Never !
My mind spends a lot of the time trying to work out how and why I know the things I know or make the decisions I've already made. All too often I'll know the answer to something but have no idea how I know it , or why I have made a reasoned judgment call on making a decision - but done it so quickly I have to go back and reflect on how I made the decision after it's been made ;my mind's on broadband , but my memory is definitely old modem dial-up. The right answer will come out of my mouth sometimes five minutes before I can explain why I know it's the right answer. It's pretty scary sometimes.

g] I'm an Austrian Count ; My Father's a Scottish Laird. Does it mean I have money ? Well for the past week I've had less than eighty pence in my pocket - and that went on coffee at work.


Anonymous said...

Hysterical! At least you're not boring..take a look at my manic moment!!!

Terry Nelson said...

You are unusual. I like you.

Rita said...

Is St Pius V one of your patrons? If not he should be: the zeal, the belt-tightening, the orthodoxy and disinterest in of food all show similarities.

On the side of the angels said...

St Pius V ?
Not in the slightest - what would be acts of piety or penance/sacrifice to many aren't to me - It isn't fasting if you don't really eat anyway ; it isn't an act of humility to work as a shelf-stacker - I simply cannot get any other form of employment - I can find as much decadence in eating a jaffa cake while reading a trashy sci-fi novel as others would at a marijuana factory in a brothel over a's not the size of the guilty luxuries that's important - it's the intensity of effect on the individual....and my wasting £2.76 on a penny book on amazon is really as morally reckless as a menopausal male buying a jetski or a timeshare in a Tuscan villa.

I am definitely no hair-shirt wearing cicatrice tightener living on locusts ; I'm merely lucky to live on simple pleasures.