Monday, 17 August 2009

A re-post : Just to remember...

A dismal Tuesday one November an eternity ago ; with "rains that might put out the sun, and rid the sky of stars"{GKC}...

Drenched , trudging through London: shoes squelching, hair dripping; disconsolate and oblivious to the world around me ; I was lost in more ways than one.
My Partner was suffering from severe post-natal depression ; she had recently miscarried.

I had lost my promotion and was falsely-accused of theft. Eviction loomed, an ex-landlord had stolen most of my belongings, I'd been trainfare-dodging to reach university ; and a vindictive anti-catholic lecturer was ensuring I would never attain my degree....and friends ? Well ?

In my despondency, God and I were on far from friendly terms.
The Church was at least dry - the confessional light beckoned.

Patiently enduring my tirade the priest inquired:
"So you think God's ashamed of you?

Or is it you're afraid others think you're a failure?

Listen : A father and son were taking their donkey to market. Along the way a merchant mocks them for not riding it - the father mounts - but some students accuse the father of mistreating his son - the old thriving from the labours of the young - they swap places. Some old men reprimand the 'selfish' son for forcing his father to walk - so both ride the donkey, until another accuses them of animal cruelty. Finally they carry the donkey ! At market the crowd laugh at the foolish pair. The donkey breaks free , falls into the river and drowns....

"Son, you're frightened of your own shadow - God's telling you :"Be not afraid !" why won't you trust Him ? Your child is in heaven watching over you . Go home! Love your wife and children and leave the rest to God; and to hell with anyone else's opinion ! For those who refuse to fear the Lord end up fearing everything and everyone. Don't fall into this trap. Trust in God and Holy Mother Church."

Diana Dors said: "The most terrible thing in the world is for someone to feel unloved";

St Francis de Sales advised: "It is never enough to love someone - that someone has to know they are loved".

When love seems no more than an illusion , if we fail to believe in the truth or worth of our lives ? We die inside.
For the lonely and disenfranchised there is a desperate yearning for recognition and vindication - a clinging to any available source ; whether fleeting , self-harming or irrevocably compromising; any price is worth paying to feel 'somebody' ; to briefly alleviate the pain.

'Compensating' for spiritual loneliness can lead the best of us commit the most terrible acts; and excuse similarly reprehensible actions in others - tyrannical : simply to be acknowledged or 'respected' ; alienating everyone through fear ; or conversely masochistically submissive ; never daring to jeopardise any relationship by potentially offending; thus depriving oneself of any sincerity, authenticity or self-respect...and like all habit-forming drugs ?

I am certain this anxiety is the major cause of not only our personal sins and failings, but also the English Church's negligence in its duties and responsibilities ; and thus the emptying of our pews.

Why else should we be failing so miserably ? Unless we're contaminated with a spiritual pride which refuses to believe in the Love of God, and Truth - the Person of Christ - subsisting within His Mystical Body the Church.

Is it possible we have forgotten to let our neighbour know they are loved ? And in the process rarely hear it ourselves, and when we do our pride prevents us from believing it ?

Anxiety, together with an abject fear of antagonism ; and the saddeningly desperate yearning for recognition indicates how lonely, scared and untrusting of God [and our Catholicism] we have become.

Surely above all things the Cross is the absolute symbol of Hope in hopelessness ?

It doesn't have to be this way....

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